Most of us would rather endure a visit to the dentist than face uncomfortable conversations with a teammate. Even in the most collaborative and respectful team cultures, leaders inevitably find themselves navigating awkward moments.

Author Farley Ledgerwood notes that during difficult discussions, we often fall back on worn-out phrases like “I’m just being honest,” “That’s not my problem,” “I told you so,” “Let me play devil’s advocate,” “I warned you about this,” or “That’s just how I am.” While these expressions may feel familiar, they often convey insensitivity and a lack of empathy.

Ledgerwood suggests that shifting our language toward understanding and collaboration can dramatically improve outcomes. Consider alternatives such as:

• “Fill me in on your perspective.”
• “Can you give me an example?”
• “I may have contributed to the issue.”
• “I understand your position.”
• “How do you think you could do this differently?”
• “My expectation is…”
• “How can I help?”

In every interaction, relationships matter. But when discussing tension or disappointment, they matter even more. A foundation of trust and mutual respect increases the likelihood of productive dialogue. Team members are more willing to hear feedback—especially tough feedback—when they know their leader genuinely wants them to succeed and cares about them as individuals.