How to End Conversations in a Timely Manner

An acquaintance said to me, “I need to talk to Calvin about his progress on a compliance report, but I procrastinate because conversations with Calvin are lengthy.” 

Another person reported, “When I attempt an in-depth discussion with Duane, I leave the meeting uncertain about whether we have understood each other.”

Do either of these examples sound familiar?  Juan Siliezar, writing in the Harvard Gazette, described a study by Adam Mastroianni, a Ph.D. student in Harvard’s Psychology Department which reported only two percent of conversations ended when both parties wanted them to end.

In almost half of the cases, conversations extended longer than both parties desired.  In a display of politeness, parties in two-person conversations appear to continue talking, not because they have more to say, but because they are unsure of the other’s intentions.  Persons said their conversations ended too soon in only about ten percent of the cases. 

Many discussions pose a dilemma.  Individuals are busy and wish to communicate efficiently but prolong conversations unnecessarily. 

How can you resolve this issue?  Try this.  When you believe you have what you need, say something like, “That sounds good to me.  Are you OK with it?”

Followership: Avoid Hallway Attacks of Your Leader’s Decisions

Part 3 of 3 Parts

Helena, the district manager, went into the retreat with a strong position against a reorganization plan the vice president was proposing.

“This new plan will flatten our organizational structure, reduce our overhead and allow us to be nimbler,” the vice president proposed. 

Helena responded, “As the plan keeps the same number of people, I don’t see how we reduce overhead.  A new customer-response team will likely meet our immediate needs much better.”

Following lengthy debates, the VP prevailed in his proposal.

“Afterwards,” Helena commented, “I had a problem.  My team knew I was against the VP’s proposal, but the VP clearly expected us to support it.”

Rule 1:  When you disagree with your leader’s decision, listen with an open mind and try to understand and accept the leader’s position.

Rule 2:  After the meeting, when others approach you and voice their disagreements, respond with something like.  “Look, the leader has made a decision, I am committed to its execution and it would be better if you took the same position.

After tough decisions, too many team members accelerate stress by continuing to campaign against the decisions in hallways and parking lots.  Effective teams bury their opposing tactics and channel their energies toward executing the plan. 

Followership: How to Present Opposing Views to Your Leader

Part 2 of 3 Parts

“I understand what our leader is trying to do, but he does not know our history.  His proposal will fail,” an employee said to me.  “Are you saying team members cannot disagree with their leaders?”

“No,” I responded.  “Effective leaders encourage competing opinions.  Healthy, passionate parleys often lead to improved decisions.”

The intent is to offer divergent options without dividing members into opposing camps that muscle up for win-lose standoffs.   Consider two rules for respectfully disagreeing with your leader.

Rule 1.  Present your views as an alternative rather than creating a blunt force against the leader’s position.  For example, “I see your point.  Here is another option for addressing the issue . . .,” or “I understand but I’m still having trouble with . . .”

Avoid zero-sum phrases such as, “It won’t work.” “You are going to fail.”  “Others won’t support it.” “You said . . .”

Rule 2. Acknowledge the leader’s right to make the decision.  Introduce your disagreement with, “I’m going to do what you ask me to do but I’d like to suggest. . .” 

All team members have a right to have their say but not a right to have their way.      

Followership: Embrace the Leader’s Vision

Part 1 of 3 parts

“Why are you cutting costs in this area?”

“I don’t think we should be opening a new facility at this time.”

“If you would allow us to fill our two open positions, we could achieve our objectives.”

These comments were directed toward the leader (only four months into the role) during a contentious staff meeting.  The new leader was proposing strategic changes.  And, as you might expect, some of the staff members were not buying in.

Followership Rule 1:  understand the leader’s vision.

Effective followers focus on understanding—not attacking—the leader’s vision.  As the saying goes, real leaders ride the horse where they want the horse to go.  Listen and observe.  Remain open.  Strive to fully understand what the leader is trying to accomplish.   

Followership Rule 2:  if the leader’s vision is legal and ethical, get onboard.

It is normal for team members to have opposing ideas about what to do and how to do it.  But continuous whining, arguing and resisting only increases the likelihood of team failure.  Productive followers embrace the leader’s vision; they lean into the leader’s decisions; they operate off the same playbook.  To paraphrase the Greek philosopher, Aristotle, if you cannot be a good follower, you cannot be a good leader.    

Morale is Important; the Mission is Vital

“It is the mission!  The mission!  The mission. . . our purpose—the reason we exist!” a quote from an unknown source.

Here is an example of how a leader prioritized mission over morale.

 An employee said to his manager, “I need to take Thursday and Friday off.  My parents are passing through on their way to Colorado.  They want to spend a couple of days with us.”

“I can’t let you off this week.  I need your cost estimates by Friday.”   

“I’ve got most of the work done.  Someone else can complete it.”

“I don’t have anyone else.  You’ll have to work Thursday and Friday.”

Two-thirds of supervisors in my workshops place morale as a higher priority than mission. Morale is important.  I agree. But more often it is prudent to prioritize mission over morale. 

By denying the employee’s request, the leader prioritized the mission.  The employee fumed and complained bitterly to his peers, but he did stay and complete his project. 

To avoid permanent morale loss, the leader will need to find some way in the coming weeks to reward the employee for his sacrifice.  While leaders can survive short-term morale dips, few survive long-term morale adversity.     

Is your Work a Job or a Calling?

Which of the following best describes your bond to your work?

My work:

 a. pays very well. It supports my family and my expensive hobbies (a job).

 b. offers a good career path. I can see several promotions in my future (a career).         

 c. gives me a sense of purpose.  I can make a real contribution (a calling).

Yale University professor, Dr. Wrzesniewski, explains that employees typically identify their work in three ways:  a job, a career, or a calling. 

Whether your work is a “calling” depends on two things:  job fit and how you choose to view your work.    

A good job fit occurs when your natural talents, plus your acquired knowledge and skills, allow you to perform your work tasks well.  It is your decision as to whether you view your work as a calling.

Those who see their work as a calling tend to be more satisfied and more highly motivated to perform well.  Of course, work that is a calling may also offer a good career path and good pay.

As the late humorist Mark Twain said, “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”     

Don’t Take the Monkey

As the director hurried into his office, his phone buzzed with the text message:  “I just learned that governmental auditors will be in my office next week, and I still don’t have current documentation of our revised safety processes.”    

The manager texted back, “OK, after my 8:00 o’clock meeting, I’ll check with the safety training officer and get back to you.”

Very quickly, the manager allowed the staff member to pass the responsibility to him.  With the responsibility off his back, the staff member can ignore the issue while awaiting the boss’s solution.

Authors Oncken and Wass, writing in the Harvard Business Review several decades ago, described this process as “Who’s Got the Monkey?”  A “monkey” is responsibility for the next move.

In the case above, the monkey sprang from the back of the subordinate onto the manager when the manager agreed to check on the issue. 

Some managers, because they are confident they can resolve issues quickly, often overburden themselves by accepting subordinates’ problems. 

A more effective approach is to keep the monkey—the responsibility—on subordinates’ backs by asking such questions as:  “OK, it is important that you have the proper documentation.  How are you going to take care of that?”