“I anticipate a ‘but’ coming,” I responded.
“Yes, his people skills are among the worst. Customers love him but he berates and embarrasses staff. He is very argumentative with me and the president. His vocabulary is filled with demeaning curse words. Many have complained and three long-time, high-performers have quit.”
“I assume that you have talked to him.”
“Yes, many times.”
“So you want me to coach him on his people skills?”
“His behaviors are so hard-wired, he is very likely incapable of making significant, lasting improvements in his ability to work with people.”
I continued to explain that no matter how good you are at coaching, you will not likely convert a narcissistic-neurotic-whining-argumentative employee into considerate-cooperative-respectful team player.
When dealing with extremely disruptive people, my experience suggests that you have two choices. One, put up with them the way they are; or two, remove them.
The “silk purse, sow’s ear” proverb—meaning that you are not likely to convert unrefined, dirty and base behavior into refined and desirable—apparently emerged in the mid-1500’s. Some still don’t get it.